Hot Seal Next Door_A Bad Boy Second Chance Romance Read online

  “I was willing to give you the benefit of the doubt, Paul. When you approached me after the incident at the restaurant, I thought you were sincerely sorry. I thought you could change. I really did. I had hoped you would be the man I remembered and loved,” she murmured, a single tear rolling down her cheek. As much as Paul longed to reach out and brush it away, he kept his hands stilled at his sides. It was obvious that the woman had much more to say, and he was intent upon letting her get it all off of her chest before he tried to resolve things. However, he couldn’t let her carry on with the belief that he was the same man that had disappeared all those years ago.

  “Kelly, sweetheart, you know I’ve changed. If I was the man I was when I abandoned you all those years ago, would I be here apologizing?” He implored, reaching out to her in spite of his gut instinct to refrain. She didn’t immediately draw away, allowing him to touch her cheek. She seemed to revel in the touch for a moment, allowing her eyes to flutter shut as she took in the sensation of his touch. For a moment, Paul thought he may have won her over. When her eyes opened again, however, there was steely resolve reflected in them. She drew away from him, crossing her arms over her chest.

  “I’m not sure what you expect from me, Paul. When you were just putting my feelings on the line, I could live with that. I’ve been hurt before, I’ve forgiven you before. If it had just been my own emotions in question, I would forgive you a thousand times over. But you have to understand something too. This is my son who’s been dragged into all of this. Your son has been dragged into it as well, and it’s… it’s not right. I know you’re unable to trust me, with this idea that I was with someone else the moment you left, but…,” she trailed off, averting her gaze.

  “I can learn to live with the fact that you loved someone else. I’m trying my damndest, Kelly! I love you, and can’t bear the idea of anyone else having touched you, but I’m trying to make this work. You have to believe me,” Paul gritted out. “Why on Earth would I deepen our wounds by sending my son to do my dirty work. You can’t think I’m such a bad father that I would drag him into my own shortcomings,” he continued, crossing his arms defensively.

  “I want to believe you. You have to consider the facts I’m being faced with, though. You’ve been nothing but upset about Jeffrey’s father. You don’t even know who his father is, you’re just angry at the concept that I didn’t agonize and wait for you. But the truth is that I did agonize, Paul. I spent every waking moment missing you,” Kelly said, assertively. Paul flinched at the ferocity of her tone, but stood his ground, unwilling to break away from the conversation so easily.

  “You know I would never hurt Jeffrey on purpose. He can’t help what happened between us, and he’s certainly not to blame for his father’s actions. I think of the kid as one of my own, Kelly. The thought of him being upset is nearly as heartbreaking as seeing James burst through the door in tears. I may have let my emotions get the better of me, but surely you can’t think so little of me. I care deeply about our sons,” Paul said weakly, reaching up to brush a tear away from his eye.

  Kelly seemed to grow exceedingly uncomfortable with the direction the conversation had taken, though Paul couldn’t quite discern why. Her body language was obvious, and it was clear that she was trying to ignore her fight or flight instincts. He stepped towards her, trying to make himself as intimidating as possible. However, she jerked away from him, her eyes growing wide as she seemed to get trapped in her own mind.

  “I could have forgiven you. I could have. But I’m not willing to put my son on the line for you. You think you know what’s best for me, hell, you even think you know what’s best for my son. But you have no idea what we’ve been through, you can’t begin to fathom what it’s been like raising him alone. I’m all he has, and he may never come to know his father. I had my hopes, but those have begun to fade,” Kelly said, her voice heavy with emotion.

  It was all Paul could do to keep from drawing her into his arms and never letting go. It was all he could do to accept that she simply didn’t seem to want him anymore. As much as he wanted to clarify that it was all a big misunderstanding, it seemed that the woman had already made up her mind. Bitterness crept up inside him, and he balled his hands into fists at his side. He wasn’t prepared to give her up again; not after so long of aching and longing for her. He wasn’t ready to say goodbye.

  “Kelly… please. Just give me a chance. I’m being completely honest when I say I could care less regarding who Jeff’s real father is. Like I said, I’ve come to think of him as my own son. Why would you tear us… all of us apart, over this misunderstanding? Can you not fathom that I’ve actually changed? Can’t you give me a chance?” Paul pleaded, all but dropping down to his knees in front of the woman. Her expression shifted from fear to anger, and she took a step away from him before turning away.

  “I’ve given you plenty of chances. It’s not my fault you squandered them away,” she said, coolly.

  “Our sons aren’t at fault either! Why should they have to suffer because of our missteps? Why should James lose his best friend, his little brother? Why should Jeffrey have to give up on ever seeing his idol again. I don’t understand why you’re making such a big deal of this!” Paul shouted, throwing his hands up angrily. Kelly stiffened, and he thought he might have pressed her just enough to have her at least look him in the eye again.

  “Go home, Paul. I need to take care of my son, and I suggest you do the same,” she said quietly, her voice breaking though she refused to look at him. Paul was helpless to do anything but watch as she strode away, slipping out of reach for what seemed the rest of their lives. He knew that it was unlikely that she could afford to move over this blowout, and it pained him to think that he would have her so close, yet so far from him. More than anything, it hurt so deeply to know that his mistrust had blown up in his face. It hadn’t just harmed him, it had hurt everyone he had come to care for. Faced with that mistrust, turned upon himself?

  He couldn’t hold Kelly’s feelings against her. He had made his doubts very clear, regarding her feelings for him. Now that the tables had been turned, he couldn’t deny that it was a pain unlike any other. Exhaling a resigned breath, he turned towards his house and walked what seemed the longest trek of his life. Though it was only a few feet, he had no idea what he would say to his son. He had no means of explaining how everything had gone so wrong, over a simple misunderstanding. Paul wanted to think he could explain it away as a ‘grown up’ issue, something James couldn’t understand at the young and innocent point he was at in his life. However, it was just a bandage on an open, weeping wound.

  Explaining away the situation wouldn’t bring back the friendship he had formed with the boy next door. Saying that they couldn’t understand the situation, when he himself felt as lost as ever, would do little but obscure the truth of the matter. Paul had messed up, for the last time it seemed.

  As he stepped through the front door of his home, the sounds of his son’s video game stopping abruptly, he wondered how he could have ruined what could have been such a perfect relationship. However, all he could figure was that his chances had been ruined, long ago.

  Chapter Eight

  Tossing back a shot of whiskey, Paul stared at the black screen of his television. James had not talked to him in some days, not that Paul was in any good shape to hash things out with his son. Both were aching for similar reasons, though James was more upset over the idea of losing his brother figure. As much as he liked Kelly, he had a mother of his own that he could go home to if things got too rough. Paul, however, could not shake the idea that he’d lost his chance at forging a new family, starting life anew. Well, not entirely new, but new enough that he could move past the thousands of mistakes he’d made in his lifetime. He couldn’t shake the woman he loved from his thoughts, couldn’t shake the image of herself in another man’s arms. Not because he was gone, but because he had missed his second chance.

  The navy seal poured himself another shot of w
hiskey, clutching the glass tightly in his hand. Tears had worn what seemed permanent tracks down his cheeks, and he could only wonder how he would move on from this major misstep. It seemed he had little choice but to give up on his chances with Kelly, ignoring the fact that his next door neighbor was the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. Inhaling a shuddering breath, he knocked back another shot. The bottle of whiskey was nearly empty, having been full what seemed scarce hours prior. The burn of the alcohol had formed a permanent volcano in his chest, filled with the molten hot pain of love lost. He wanted to pull himself out of this rut, wanted it more desperately than he had ever wanted anything in his life. At least, nearly anything. It seemed as if the grip of his misery would never be content to release him.

  He allowed his head to slump back against the back of his chair, eyes fluttering shut as he choked out a sob. He knew it would be more responsible to send James home to his mother, but his son had been so desperate to remain, on the off chance that somehow things would work out. Some way, Paul knew, James expected him to fix this giant mess he had made of things. If he had simply been kinder on his date with Kelly, if only he hadn’t called Jeffrey’s paternity into question… another result of his alcoholic tendencies, in the end. Paul found himself on a self-destructive path, a downward spiral that he couldn’t quite break free from. He knew the whiskey he continued to toss back would do nothing to solve his problems. If anything, it would only exacerbate them. On the chance Kelly did call him, what would he say? He couldn’t meet because he’d been wallowing in self-pity? He was almost comforted by the thought that she wouldn’t call, simultaneously crushed by the fact.

  She didn’t need him, she had moved on years ago. Her son would find another man to idolize, another brother figure, another family. She would form another family, and it was an inescapable fact. He should let her go. He should let them move on and be happy with their lives. It was unfair for him to continue laying waste to the perfect life Kelly had attempted to mold for young Jeffrey. He just wanted… he just wanted to make things right.

  Eyes fluttering shut, Paul gripped the entire bottle of whiskey in his hand and chugged the remainder of the liquid inside. The burn was sharp, yet it had come to be a comfort in his loneliness. He was just fortunate that his son was too busy losing himself to the virtual realm to pay his father any mind. Paul couldn’t imagine what he would do if he had to face James like this, he couldn’t ignore the tears that continued to spill down his cheeks. Anger brewed inside of him at how weak he had become, tightening his grip on the bottle of whiskey until it began to crack from the force.

  “Dammit,” he screamed, throwing the bottle across the room. It crashed against the wall, shards of glass littering the floor. He buried his head in his hands, digging his nails into the tender flesh of his scalp. The sound of footsteps descending the stairs sent a jolt through his heart, and he tried to make himself presentable as his young son stepped into the living area. James watched him with something akin to pity in his eyes, glancing towards the broken shards of glass and striding across the living room. He began to meticulously pick up the pieces, and Paul lurched to his feet in an attempt to wave him off. “Don’t. That’s not your responsibility,” he grunted.

  “It’s fine, Dad. It’s something to do, at least,” James smiled weakly, wincing as a small piece of glass pricked his finger. Paul rushed towards him, carefully extracting the piece of glass from his son’s bleeding finger. His hands were clumsy, only serving to drive the glass deeper before he could get a good grip on it. James winced, but remained silent throughout. It was clear that he was trying to maintain his stoicism, but the pain was making it difficult.

  “Shit, I’m a worthless father,” Paul groaned, pressing a hand to his forehead. The room was beginning to spin, but he was temporarily caught up in the single minded goal of seeing his son’s hand tended to. He took James by the wrist, pulling him away from the mess that littered the living room floor. Once in the kitchen, he fetched a pair of needle nose pliers from the utility drawer. His hands quaked as he moved to grip his son’s finger again, but James quickly deflected.

  “You’re not worthless, Dad. You’re just… hurt. Upset… drunk. Here, let me see those. I can handle it. I have to be a man someday, don’t I?” The young boy smiled weakly, prying the pliers from his father’s grip and yanking the shard of glass free from his hand. The blood began to spill in more of a gush, and Paul’s instincts kicked in as he applied pressure to the wound. “Do we have any bandages?” James prompted, wincing at the pain of the pressure.

  “I… I don’t. I can go to the store, but…,” he trailed off, glancing towards the window. “No, shit, alright. We’ll go next door, ask Miss Carpenter if she can spare some bandages, and then we’ll come back home,” he rumbled, guiding James towards the door.

  “Dad, we reek! And I don’t want to bother them, they obviously don’t want anything to do with us,” James moaned plaintively, trying to kick his feet down and resist his father’s pull. Paul refused to stop, however, stepping out into the blinding afternoon sun in a pair of bloodstained pajama pants. James wore only a pair of boxers and a t-shirt, and he was obviously embarrassed at the idea of being caught with his pants down, so to speak.

  “Kelly will help you, son. I… shit, I can’t right now,” Paul groaned, lumbering across the lawn. He saw the curtains shift in the front window of Kelly’s house, and before he could announce his presence, Jeffrey came stumbling out. The youngest boy’s eyes widened upon seeing the state of the other males he so idolized, and he rushed forward to take James by the hand.

  “I’m s-sorry, Jeff. I didn’t mean to bother you,” James mumbled.

  “I have bandages with dinosaurs on them. I’ll get you patched up!” Jeffrey announced, guiding the elder boy into the house. Paul lingered outside, not feeling particularly welcome, especially considering the circumstances. He crossed the yard to sit in one of Kelly’s lawn chairs, burying his face in his hands as he waited for his son to emerge. He could hear the shrill voice of the woman he loved demanding to know what happened, and scarcely listened to his son’s explanation. He knew he would look like a terrible father regardless of what was said, so he reasoned his son could at least be truthful.

  When soft footsteps approached him, he pulled his face away from his palms to consider his son with a weak smile. However, it wasn’t his son that faced him. Kelly stood in front of him, arms crossed over her chest as she watched him for a moment. He knew he was obviously plastered, and tried to avert his bloodshot eyes. The fact that he’d been sobbing about the end to their relationship was nearly as embarrassing as his insobriety, and he quickly swiped his palm against the tear tracks on his cheeks.

  “Paul…,” Kelly began, sounding surprisingly gentle. His breath hitched, and he felt himself growing close to hyperventilating. He knew he should be playing it cool, but cool had been the last thing on Paul’s mind for days. “Paul, calm down. James is fine. He explained… somewhat, but I could put the pieces together. I’m not angry,” she murmured, crouching beside him. He refused to meet her gaze, hands tightening into fists in front of him as he tried to ignore his instinct to bolt from the scene.

  “I’m a bad father. I’ve been a bad guy. I never meant… Kelly, I’m so sorry,” he blurted, wishing he could take back the words as soon as they spilled past his lips. Her eyes widened, and she raised a hand to her mouth as if in shock.

  “I’m the one who should be sorry, Paul. There’s a lot we need to talk about. I talked to Jeff, and he made it abundantly clear that you weren’t the one who sent James along to ask questions. I shouldn’t have jumped to that conclusion, and it was entirely unfair of me. There’s… more we need to discuss, but now obviously isn’t the time,” Kelly sighed. Paul glanced up, the faintest glimmer of hope shining in his gaze. Was there any chance in hell that the woman might forgive him for his misgivings? It didn’t occur to him to be the slightest bit upset at her own mistakes, he truly couldn’t blame
her for not trusting him.

  “I’m not in any shape to talk. Does Jeff hate me? I shouldn’t have come over here, but James…,” he trailed off, resting his forehead in his palm again.

  “Jeffrey loves you as much as ever. I don’t think anything would make him think poorly of you at this point. James is bandaged up, and I told the boys to exchange apologies. I wanted to… invite you to dinner, tonight. That is, if you’re sober enough to feel up to it,” Kelly offered, reaching out to brush a hand to his cheek. He resisted the desire to press desperately into her touch, trying to retain what little dignity remained. She smiled gently at him, though there was something in her gaze that made him wonder if she was hiding something. He couldn’t begin to guess what might be troubling her, but he could only guess that she was upset at seeing his son in such a state. She’d come to be rather fond of James, as far as he could tell. He wished that fondness extended to himself, but, well, beggars couldn’t be choosers.

  “I’d love to join you for dinner. I’m sure James would be happy to spend some time with Jeffrey. All things considered…,” Paul paused, considering the look of uncertainty on Kelly’s face. “I want you to know that I can’t blame you for suspecting that I might have sent James along. As cruel as I was to you, as callous as I was regarding Jeffrey’s father… I deserve every ounce of blame you’ve turned upon me,” he offered, gently. Her eyes pricked with tears, and he wondered if he had said the wrong thing until she fully embraced him in her arms. He stiffened, not expecting the affectionate motion. She simply held tighter until he wrapped his arms around her as well. Her breaths were shuddering, as if she were repressing sobs of her own.